yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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