cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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