So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
