Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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