haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
