Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
