it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
