Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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