you didnt know i had herpes?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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