Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize