i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
