Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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