This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
