walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
