if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
