It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
