i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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