Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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