i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
