Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
