you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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