you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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