Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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