I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
