I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
