She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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