Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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