my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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