Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
