I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
