if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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