Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
