Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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