Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
