Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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