Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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