Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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