I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
