so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
