Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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