Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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