3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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