he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think my mom watched the whole time
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
