Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His nipple licking is glorious
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
