when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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