He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
