i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
