I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
