People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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