On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
