AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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