Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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