When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
