How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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