I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
pop tarts are not kleenex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
