i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
