I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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