Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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