Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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