I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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