Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
