theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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