yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
