operation have a gay friend backfired
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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