Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
