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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
