I faked an abortion last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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