my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
